Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers

Friday, June 12, 2015

Of Stable Marriages and Unhappy Relationships



I have serious issues with a movie like Tanu weds Manu Returns. It shows a girl of the present times( read : smoking , drinking and playing the field) married for four years, certifying that her husband is a nut case and packing him off to a mental asylum. (If it were so easy I am sure most of us would have banished our husbands to a similar fate by now!!). The story doesn't end here( infact it begins ). She moons around in sarees in some location in England but then decides to come back to Bharat and immediately slips into dresses and towels as dresses. Her husband is bailed out of the asylum and also comes back to India only to fall in love with a ditto same copy of his wife. The movie ends with the original twosome acknowledging their love for each other.

We wondered at the naivety of the director. How did he convince the husband( a vapid Madhavan) to go back to a wife( a neurotic Kangana) who had told the world that he was mad? Would this have happened in real life? Didn't real marriages  have more substance in them? Did moments like those showing Kangana cosying up to different men actually happen ? Actually?

It was precisely when the post movie discussion was taking place that  the landline rang. Since I knew that no one else would move I stretched my hand to take the call. Two minutes into the conversation I wished I hadn't. Not because I don't like the people who had made the call. On the contrary , it was because I like them immensely it saddened me that they were in the midst of a huge row. The reason for the row: the husband's supposed 'interest' in women. That a picture perfect marriage of more than thirty years could descend to accusations, allegations, shouting and screaming left us in no mood to continue our dissection. We wandered  off to differents tasks.

Two days later another phone call, another conversation. This marriage also has everything , on the surface, going for it . The couple celebrated its twenty fifth anniversary last year but though the facade of happiness is being maintained  the cracks are not going anywhere. The two conversations left me shaken ( and stirred) to the core. For people of our generation, brought up to act out the 'happily ever after' ,to confess that while they have stayed put in their marriage but happiness has not is a big deal.

I am sure the two instances mentioned above are not isolated ones. If that is the case we need to ask ourselves why this is so. What are the reasons that the moral and social fabric protecting institutions like marriage is being ripped apart. I know there are no easy answers but then it's not a easy question.


9 comments:

  1. Tanu wed manu ia a highly praised film-Even by Big B in an interview. Actually Kangana's acting the two different personalities had me also appreciating the movie.
    However you have a point. The movie does not explain properly how the first Kangana had a change of heart abruptly & wanted her husband back!
    As for your observations on marriage in general, itis known that pretences are much more than what is visible at the surface ...Perhaps familiarity breeds contempt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rajeev;) Very well put. I agree with what you have said about marriages- specially the familiarity breeds....part. I think you have a strong point there!

      Delete
  2. Right, Anju. Familiarity breeds contempt is the only reason for people being left shaken (and stirred) due to the 'disturbances' that take place in marriages these days. I, too, wish we had some answers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shilpa, in fact a lot many times I am left wondering if marriage should be so mandatory as it supposedly is and whether society needs to re draw up its ' to do' list.

      Delete
  3. Nice post Anju-made me think.
    Utopia does not exist in reality.When two persons rub against each other day in and day out,year after year;there are bound to be grievances because they are different individuals with different needs.
    But suppose they had not married would they have been totally blissful?One has to adjust--give some,take some.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True Indu. There is nothing like a perfect fit or solution. One should try and be happy with what life has dished out and look for the silver lining in every proverbial cloud!
      :)

      Delete
  4. Exactly my views! With Facebook around, this facade of happiness has only gained in importance. Doesn't matter how much you are suffering inwardly, but you must post pictures of those customary 3-4 annual trips on Facebook. And there should be sufficient selfies of you and your partner.
    I don't think there is any such thing as a perfect blissful relationship, but really, these days, the pretenses have gone on an all-time high.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Chicky :):)

      True- whatever you have said is right. But as Indu so neatly commented- one should give some and take some.
      And drop all pretences- this is from my side. I use FB strictly for one thing: to connect with old friends and acquaintances. After that the good ol phone and email takes over!

      Delete
  5. Even I had the same questions when I saw the film.I doubt if in real life couple who had parted ways so much would get back together.It seems more of a wishful thinking that a fighting couple would sink their differences and come together again.

    ReplyDelete